i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
