He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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