I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
