Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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