went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
