After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They have beer where we have blood.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I came so hard my ears popped.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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