My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
