i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
