dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
