you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
