or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
