Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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