So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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