I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
