So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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