Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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