Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
