he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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