i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
