I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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