dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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