Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.