My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They are going to name an STD after you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going