the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
