We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
