You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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