Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
