They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
