I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
