508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
