Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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