I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
