we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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