soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
