The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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