I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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