I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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