one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
