I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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