just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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