You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
