You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
