sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
