Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
