How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
