apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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