then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
