dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
