I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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