dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
