does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
