need another drink. this is the easiest way
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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