Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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