so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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