I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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