my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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