apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I could make wine with my vomit
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
