just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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