I met the friendliest cop last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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