she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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