Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
