Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
